March stats

Crap, its the end of March already

* 2 minutes knocked off my 5km time trial time
* 0 kilograms lost
* 1 Sunday lunch at The Park Hyatt
* 48 hours of tears
* 0 engagements, weddings or babies (its been a quiet month)
* 13 hours, at least, spent on facebook
* 22 days remaining of age 29

Wanna chat?

This is too good not to share … I am busy working this morning and some complete random skypes me and asks to chat. Generally these peeps are from countries I didn’t realise existed or from Turkey (for some strange reason) so I usually give the big ‘block this person/don’t share your contact details with them.’ This morning I felt a bit risqué so I venture out the big hallo. Turns out that Mr Random is into cage fighting [WTF] and wait for it … used to be a stripper! Told you this was too good not to share:

Mr Random: Hi there! How u doing?
Schmee: Can’t complain. Rather busy but that is nothing new
Mr Random: So what do u like? I mean do for fun?
Schmee: What do I like ... mmm ... lazy Sunday afternoon naps
Mr Random: HELL YES!
Mr Random: I like NHB, addicted to KFC, paintball, strip, read, write, paint, fly
Schmee: NHB? Sorry, you lost me there
Mr Random: NHB - cage fighting
Schmee: Oozzzizzz - cage fighting - sounds hectic. Where do you do it?
Mr Random: Jhb most of the time, but we also have a club in Pta
Schmee: 'Cuse my ignorance but what type of fighting are you doing ... fight club style?
Mr Random: LOL. No it's no holds barred fighting. It’s a sport
Schmee: So it’s kinda like WWF on speed without the acting?

Mr Random: Yes, it's the real deal.
Schmee: So when is a contestant declared the winner of a fight? Do you have a count or a knock out kinda concept?
Mr Random: U can win by knock out, or if the other guy gives up
Schmee: Mmm ... tuff guys crying ... interesting concept. Dunno if I am convinced Mr Random, sounds a little hectic for moi
Schmee: Think I'll stick to good old hockey thanks
Schmee: Take a hockey ball at pace any day
Mr Random: It’s not as bad as it sounds. I have gotten worse injuries as a stripper! [Here we go Jeppe]
Schmee: Oh dude! Are you a 'professional dancer' as well as a cage fighter? [Is this dude for real?]
Schmee: That is hysterical; bet you have some very interesting stories
Mr Random: LOL. I use to do that. But my shows were a bit x-rated!
Schmee: I didn’t realise there was a market for strippers in XXX
Schmee: Or do you come through to Jozi and Pta?
Schmee: And, like, who do you strip for?
Mr Random: I have been in XXX for 3 years, before that I lived in XXX
Mr Random: I do privates, since my shows are a bit rough
Schmee: Oh so you don’t strip anymore? Just when you lived in XXX
Mr Random: Yes
Mr Random: Now I do it on special request only
Schmee: I am picking up what you are putting down [No I don’t really … just keeping the cage fighting stripper happy]
Schmee: I have never had a conversation with a real live stripper [as opposed to a convo with a dead one]

Mr Random: Ex stripper that is

Schmee: My apologies ... ex stripper

Mr Random: So do you have a special request? ;o)
Schmee: Nope I’m all good thanks, I am fully satisfied
Mr Random: You married?
Schmee: That’s a negative
Mr Random: Got a bf?
Schmee: Affirmative ... he is a Cracka
Schmee: Oh look at the time, gotta duck, have a meeting in 2 minutes. Thanks for the chat!

So there you have it kids, there are all sorts of interesting peeps out there on the world wide web … you just need to know where to look.

I carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Schmeezy the sloth

When I was at varsity, the first thing I would do at the beginning of each year was work out how many Friday lectures we had. If I recall correctly, I think we managed to organise our timetable so that Friday lectures were hearsay for all 4 years on campus.

Now that I am a focused, competitive and driven career woman, the first thing I do at the beginning of each year is work out how many long weekends we have. This, of course, includes public holidays which fall on either a Tuesday or Thursday.

This having been said, I cannot help but think that public holidays which fall on a Wednesday are rather like dialog in a porno movie … nice but a waste of time. Taking 2 days of leave at this time of the year is difficult especially with budgets looming.

Nonetheless, we decided to embrace our mini midweek break and maximize the glorious day which Jozi served up. I woke up yesterday without a hangover (a noteworthy event which reinforces the fact that I am indeed getting old and that the night before a public holiday is not solely for bending it at Manhattans) and decided that a picnic at Emmerentia with Cracka and the pigs was the order of the day. That was until I sat on the couch and starting watching the FINA World Championships. Muz and I both woke up about 2 hours later by which time the inevitable Jozi clouds had arrived. With the picnic laughed off, there really was nothing else better to do so we spent the rest of the afternoon intermittently sacking on the couch and watching Inzi play his last international ODI.

I do feel marginally guilty for wasting a whole day but then again … I guess its my human right to be Schmeezy the Sloth!

15 minutes of fame

My 15 minutes of fame came and went this past Fri. I'm still waiting for my agent to call with all the movie offers! Granted, I went as a Flintstone but leopard print is bound to make a comeback soon ... no really it is ... surely? I mean what is wrong with these directors and fashion gurus?

We had Maddoo's 30th and most of Hollywood's finest turned out. The CSI Miami team, Shrek, Charlie’s Angels, Abba, Elvis, Tinton, Captain Jack Sparrow and infamous WWF wrestler Kurt Angle to name but a few.

My publicist sent through some photos he received from those pesky paparazzi … my advice would be to buy the Heat magazine next week … we are sure to feature!

Missing in action

Our national carrier caused me some consternation yesterday morning when I arrived at Richards Bay Airport and my luggage did not. I didn’t realise that SAA was an acronym for "suitcase absent & astray".

C R I S E S.

Let me explain. I am at the mine until Wednesday afternoon in an attempt [read: have my patience tested to breaking point and then some by the socioeconomics of rural Zululand] to finalise an employee empowerment share scheme we have put together. The mine cannot really be deemed to be a destination; it is more like an afterthought. Getting there entails either a 6 hour drive by motor vehicle from Jhb or a flight to Richards Bay with a 2 hour drive thereafter. The mine itself is self contained, employees sleep in converted prefab type homes, there is a pool, a squash court and (naturally) a pub. There is no Woolies food store or shop where one can pick up any form of clothing should one’s luggage fail to arrive from Jozi.

P R O B L E M S.

Thankfully, after a performance worthy of an Oscar at the Richards Bay Airport, the very kind lady located my luggage and promised that they would somehow locate the mine and deliver it to me. I dont think I have ever been so happy to see my bunny slippers and hair dryer before!